The Second Chance

Have you ever survived a near-death experience and woke up from the event as if you have been reborn, realizing that you had been given a second chance?

I have.

It happened on the 1st of April.

April Fool.

Yes.

I believe God is trying to play a prank on me.

I merely survived a freak car accident, whereby I was hit by a car speeding at roughly 80-100km per hour, slamming my Jenny from behind and few seconds later hit me, who was standing beside Jenny.

I fell to the ground, on my butt, after the impact.

I can't remember clearly what happened.

All I can remember was my Jenny skidded on a turn and I slammed the brakes, I moved out from Jenny, suspecting the tyres burst. Few seconds later, I heard screeching tyres behind me and the sound of bang then something hit my back and I fell.

At that moment, I just touched my face and closed my eyes.

At that moment, I said to myself, "This is it!" - Final destination

As I opened my eyes, I can hardly believe that I'm still alive with just few scratches and bruises on my left arm and back. I turned to my left and saw the hood of the car just less than an inch direct to my head. Lucky. I stood up and walked to the car that hit me. Went to the driver and asked her, "Are you okay?"

She looked shocked, I believe she must have thought she had killed me.

Most of people would have blamed me, even if they didn't say it out loud, I know they do.
The husband of the lady shouted at me when we met at the police station, another car driver also shouted and asked for reimbursement for her car's damage as she explains she was trying to avoid the car which hit me first.

I don't mind putting the blame on myself. I admit that I'm 100% guilty. I don't care about the money. I'll pay no matter how much it takes.

Both of them had actually tried their best at saving my life.

Imagine if the first lady didn't brake on time? Imagine if the second car couldn't manage to avoid the first car?

I would not be here updating this.

Second Chance does not come very often.

Dear God, I got Your Message. I am grateful for this second chance. I believe there's alot of unfinished business that I need to settle before leaving this world.

XOXO

Marriage : love, culture, or obligation?

I must admit that a girl's greatest goal and dream of her life is all about marriage. All of her younger life has been spent on preparing her for one, like learning the house chores, learning how to cook, how to treat the husband and kids by observing their mothers, aunts and other married women's life.

Somehow this has become the life cycle of a women, it's not a written law that this cycle has to be followed, but most of people will expect us to continue this cycle, if not, you'll be charged as not normal or people might accuse that there must be something wrong with you. I know this cause I've been there.

I used to believe in true love, I used to believe in marriage, I used to believe in sharing life with the Beloved one and produce cute youngsters to protect and to love them. But as grow older, as I watched the married life of others around me, as I tried to imagine how my perfect married life would be, I started to realize that my reality is just too different from others or probably I'm hoping for something far more unrealistic than others.

Sometimes I asked myself, is it a must to get married?
Why people get married?
What is a marriage?
Is it as simple as finding a partner and vow to stay loyal to that person for the rest of your life, through thick and thin forever?

From Islamic point of view:
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Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means "contract". ("Aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as "mithaqun Ghalithun,". Which means "a strong covenant".

As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:
 1. To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race
 2. To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family

Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.

Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor. It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.

--> so summed up marriage is about having companionship, legitimating sex, producing legal breeds and expanding generations.

Still not a strong reason why I should get married ~though I wanted babies of my own and a partner for life. But I'm sure there's a bigger objective about marriage not only what is stated above.
Let's dig a little deeper, what marriage is about? What do we have to compromise in a marriage? Are we ready for a commitment? This is what you have to ask yourself before you tie up your wedding vows with another person.

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I loved an article from Abdul Baha which explains on Marriage and Love. It's a bit too long but it's worth a read --> Marriage and Love by Abdul Baha;

According to Abdul Baha, in marriage, love needs to be manifested in a cooperative and sharing manner and it is directly related to the maturity level of the husband and wife.

The love in marriage is not straight forward, it's a feeling developed after undergoing few levels of maturity, explained below;

Level 1: Finding Mutual Point of Attraction
The first dimension of love between a man and a woman is attraction. The beauty of an individual attracts the attention of another, encourages an approach, and prepares the way for a response on the part of the attractive individual. If there is considerable mutual attraction a love relationship begins.
Physical attraction, however, is only the first dimension of love in any marriage. Once an individual falls in love, the beloved becomes a constant companion in the lover's mind and heart.
Gradually other attractive aspects of the person, such as thoughts, feelings, hopes, and aspirations assume greater significance. This process leads to a higher level of closeness and intimacy between the husband and wife and results, not infrequently, in each choosing the other as the point of attraction. Here, "point of attraction" refers to a state in which all of the interest, attention, and yearning, in short, all of a person's love, is directed towards one object, person, or idea.

Level 2: From Mutual Need Gratification to Mutual Purpose
Next to mutual attraction, the first common dimension of what couples usually call love is mutual need gratification. Every human being has diverse needs which can best be fulfilled in the context of an intimate relationship. Some of these needs may be due to a deprived or troubled life history of either or both persons involved in the relationship, while other needs are basic requirements for the overall growth and quality of life of any individual.
The second category of needs relating to the direction and quality of life are also of considerable importance with respect to individual growth. Human conditions and functions such as intimacy, sharing, giving and receiving, encouraging and being encouraged, desiring and being desirable, helping and being helped, as well as caring and being cared for, all require the existence of a meaningful, trusting relationship which is best achieved in the context of a healthy marriage.
Many couples marry as a direct response to one or both of these categories of needs. The combination of mutual attraction and mutual need gratification creates an overcharged emotional bond and fosters an illusion of eternal, romantic, and unconditional love.

According to Abdul Baha too, it is very important that couple understands and respects each own's personal plans. It is natural for human beings to pursue goals and make plans. In fact, when a person is without plans and goals, he becomes disheartened, depressed, and disinterested in life and all that it entails. Due to this fundamental need, there must be opportunities in the context of marriage for both husband and wife to pursue plans and goals both individually and as a couple.

Individual goals and projects shape our life processes, giving direction and meaning, as well as creating motivation for further achievement with a consequent sense of satisfaction and pride. Every human being needs such experiences on an ongoing basis. Through these experiences, the individual gains a sense of identity and worth and contributes to his own and society's progress and growth.

Returning to the theme of personal goals and plans, it is obvious that both husband and wife must create opportunities in their marriage for the achievement of their personal objectives and projects. In a healthy marriage, these objectives and projects need to be in harmony and coordination with the goals and plans of the marriage. Some of the most obvious prevalent goals in contemporary marriage are: the accumulation of wealth, social advancement, bearing and educating children, and finally providing for retirement. Many couples spend all their efforts and time in the pursuit of these goals.

Hence Marriage is a natural, extremely effective milieu for the development of love, provided that the husband and wife are aware of the dynamics of the development of love in human relationships and make conscious, enlightened efforts to facilitate the development and refinement of their love. Such a process requires willingness on the part of the husband and wife to assist each other in their attempts at growth, to choose meaningful mutual purpose and direction, to be willing to suffer the pain of love and growth, and to sacrifice, whenever necessary, their material pursuits for spiritual objectives.

~ From my opinion, Marriage is never a culture, never an obligation. It is what is nurtured from pure love and willingness to share your life, goals and dreams with someone and help them to grow. It strengthened the relationship, develop loyalness to one another and it creates a sense of belonging.

In the world of existence there is indeed no greater power than the power of love. It's the nature of human to love and wants to be loved.

The objective to get married --> strongly because of LOVE.
For those happily married couples, I envy you cause you are blessed with someone who will love you until the end of time. Love them back unconditionally and appreciate their presence as for some of us we are still searching and waiting.

I fight for what I believe in. And I believe in LOVE & MONEY. :)

Mid-life crisis : isn't it too early for me?

First of all, what is midlife crisis? I'm sure you're all wondering what it means.





Have you watched Julia Robert in Eat-Pray-Love? That is how a midlife crisis would look like (that's my ideal way of midlife crisis, most women would undergo this kinda process, don't worry).
It happens during the stage of life where people would assume that you have already settled down and reached your highest peak or the best time of your life, but instead of continuing the good thing you have been doing for years, you suddenly turned your back on it and start fresh of a completely new thing.

I'm surrounded with lotsa middle aged people around me, and from my observation, midlife crisis is not something which is not expected. One day this one person is the hottest women in office who loves her job, and next thing we know she resigned and planned to join a missionary (volunteery) work in Africa. When I asked, why? She's having a great life now, why quit? And people told me, She's just having her midlife crisis. So I said to myself, Oh this midlife crisis is so cool. Or probably it's just a cooler way of saying that we're quitting our current life and wanna start over.

Should I have my midlife crisis too? (ignore the fact that I just reached my quarter life par, if I lived up to 100 years that is :p)

Let's try to understand, what is a midlife crisis?

Nothing is so cliche about a midlife crisis. If you talk to middle-aged men and women who have experienced divorce, you will find that many of them will tell you their spouse changed overnight and became someone who discarded all that was once important to him for a new life that was all about what he wanted.

A midlife crisis is experienced between the ages of 40 and 60. It was first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process. Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way you live your life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life changes.

For some, a midlife crisis is more complicated. It can be an uncomfortable time emotionally which can lead to depression and the need for psychotherapy. Those who have a hard time with this transitional stage might experience a range of feelings such as:
- Unhappiness with life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with happiness for many years.
- Boredom with people and things that may have been of interest to them before.
- Feeling a need for adventure and change.
- Questioning the choices, they have made in their lives and the validity of decisions they made years before.
- Confusion about who they are and where they are going.
- Anger at their spouse and blame for feeling tied down.
- Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life.
- Doubt that they ever loved their spouse and resentment over the marriage.
- A desire for a new and passionate, intimate relationship.

Most people who have a difficult time during midlife and go into crisis mode do so because of external factors. They may be experiencing stress in their life that makes the transition more difficult or they may have childhood issue that were never dealt with that come to the surface during this time. Some external factors that may cause this time in life to be problematic are:

• Debt: It is easier to accumulate debt due to the availability of credit cards and loans. We are bombarded by credit card companies and it is easy to find yourself with large balances owed. We live in a society where it is commonplace to be living above our means. Finding yourself middle aged, in debt and facing retirement can add stress to an already stressful time in life. A normal reaction would be to seek help from a debt management company or consolidate your loans. A person who is finding it difficult emotionally during midlife might find it easier to walk away from their family in order to rid himself of what he feels is the cause of all the debt.
  
• Significant Loss: The death of a parent or family member can cause grief, which is difficult enough to come to terms with, without having to also cope with the feelings of a midlife transition. Put the loss of a loved one with the feelings that accompany midlife and the whole process becomes bewildering and overwhelming.
  
• Avoidant Personality: If a person has a tendency to avoid conflict in their personal relationships, suffers from feelings of inadequacy, are emotionally distant and has low self – esteem they will find midlife transition harder to navigate. This personality type has a deep fear of feeling shame and rejection. Such feelings will keep them from seeking help should their emotions become overwhelming. More than likely, they will run from their problems instead of trying to find solutions to them. It’s this personality type that normal ends up in divorce court during midlife.

Whether there are external factors that make the process more difficult or not, there is an internal process that is gone through. If a person lacks understanding of the process, she may find himself making irrational decisions she may later regret such as leaving a job, getting a divorce and throwing away the security that she built during the first part of her life.

However some people manage to navigate a midlife crisis, learn from it and move on to a more rewarding life. I hope when my midlife crisis finally came, I would be able to lift myself further up and get as much support as I can from my loved ones.

The Secret - The Law of Attraction

We've learnt about the Law of Attraction in Physics class, whereby Positive attracts negative and vise versa, like a magnet. However when it comes to life, this law of attraction also applies the same theory accept the opposite attraction. Have you ever heard of a quote mentioning that "Positive things will always come to positive people"? - this is literally what the Secret (the law of attraction) is trying to make us understand.

Watch this inspiring video, your mind is a powerful tool, use it wisely;




Whether you realise it or not, right now you are attracting people, jobs, health, wealth and relationships into your life – not all of them good! You get what you think about, whether wanted or unwanted. You are in fact a living magnet. This means that what you are focused on, you bring to yourself. Here's how it works. When you are focused on what you want, you are attracting to yourself what you want. When you are focused on what you do not want, you are attracting to yourself what you do not want. We humans are enormously powerful attractors and we can use this wonderful power or law to attract more of what we want in life – simply by paying attention to where we place our thoughts and desires.

Well I think this theory is practical and relevant. People has always says "Be careful of what you wish for cause you might just get it"- oops that was a phrase from Pussycat Doll's song. I believe that when your heart desires something, the brain will subconsciously program yourself to approach what you want, bit by bit, one step at a time, closer to your goal. Though it might not come true within a split of a second, but it will come to you one day.

Take this quick simple example; You wanted to buy a DSLR which costs RM3000. (Yes, it is expensive). Below cases may happen:
Act 1: As the heart desires, the brain will program yourself to save some amount monthly and in the end you'll buy it.
OR
Act 2: You pass by the Camera Shop every other day and glance at the DSLR, with your loved one beside you. Go to the counter, touch it, feel it, use it. Next thing you know, you get it as a present for your birthday!

You'll get it either way. Your brain will find the way for you as long as you keep wanting it.

So, how do you reach your goals and dreams using this law of attraction?
1. Be very clear about what you desire
2. Visualize your goal
3. Allow yourself to receive - act like already have it
-- Practice this everyday and you are one step closer to your dreams.

Bear in mind that the law of attraction doesn't only applies on things, it also applies on relationships, work, life, etc.
Always expect your desires. Expect miracles. All this takes is a little practice.
Easy saying, don't be scared of dreaming big!

I, Thank You

Last night just before I closed my eyes to sleep, few scenes of the afternoon's flashbacks emerged on my mind. I don't know why suddenly the image of the blind man and the handicapped man who came to our table to beg for money during lunch, re-appeared.

Remembering the scene where people just shoo them off and ignoring them, actually disturbed me.
I'm sure there's a lot of us who behave the exact same way. I can't help it but to feel very ashamed of myself as I happened to be one of those inconsiderate and selfish person who usually ignored them. I don't even have the courage to look in their eye and say "No".

Instead of looking away or ignoring them, why can't I just give at least few dollars to this poor being? Instead of saying "No", why can't I just say "Sorry I don't have much to give you but may God bless you with your life"?

Sometimes people do argue that we don't need to give to beggars, as it will only provoke them to beg for more as it's an easy way to get money. Some people even say that it is the government's job to help this people as they have billions of welfare to support disabled people.

And I don't know how I agreed to the idea as well. Where is my responsible as a human being?

I know probably it's not the right thing to do to give money, it is not the correct way to help them but that is the least thing that I can do. Though probably the money wouldn't even being used for their own good, for at least it was a token/gift from me as a way of saying thank you to them for reminding me how lucky or grateful I am for being born with a pair of eyes which can see perfectly, pair of hands which can touch and hold the people I love, pair of legs that can take me to places that I want to be, pair of ears to listen to birds' chirping and sound of waterfalls, and a functioning brain to think and to judge.

Everytime when we complain of how hard our life is, think about how harder their life is.
Everytime when we complain of how unfair life is to us, think about how unfair the life is to them.
Everytime when we complain of how bad other people might treat us, think of all the looks people have given them.

Sometimes we were given alot of opportunities to repent and be grateful to God. This was probably one of His way of reminding us of Him, it's just the matter whether or not we are able to see the signs.

For that I give my word that I'm gonna change this ugly behavior of mine for good.
Each of us were being born to this world with purposes.
Find your purpose and live it.

xoxo

Eenie meenie mynie mo...

Have you ever come across a situation where you have to make a critical decision?
Or a situation when you actually have to make a choice either this or that?
And upon that decision, your whole future life will be affected of it?

We make decision every single second in our life...
We decide whether to wake up or sleep...
We decide whether to drive slower or faster...
We decide whether to drink iced tea or hot coffee...
We decide whether to work or play...

But that's not related to my topic here...

You see, I have always been someone who's having a hard time even to decide to buy my own pair of jeans...
It's not about being choosy or over-analyzing...
It's about not being confident of your own decision...
Scared of choosing the wrong or the bad one and throwing away the supposed to be the better choice...

One of my bad habits is already decide but at the same time still thinking would it have been different should I choose the other way round...
That's bad right? Not able to let go...
So no matter what, I won't be satisfied still no matter which decision I took...

That's when close friends, family comes to the rescue...
Cause they help in assuring us of the decision we made...
The most important thing is that we trust them for seeing things that probably we missed, the factors of the decision making...

Still no matter what others tells you, what your own hearts and instincts tells you are the most important...
I'm one of those who has always listen to my instinct...
Most of the time, my instinct never betray me...
But sometimes usually for the most critical decision, my instinct would always have conflict with my brain...
Endless arguments and fights between those two can get me insane at times...



Choose
The single clenched fist lifted and ready,
Or the open hand held out and waiting.

One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
This set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.

Undecisive still.

How to be HAPPY?

I bet that alot of people will be questioning ourselves on how to be happy?
How to make ourselves feel alive?
How to make ourselves feel content?

Life is indeed short.
Please don't waste it on making enemies, doing harm to others...
Instead, enjoy every moment with the people you love and doing the things you love...

If you ask me how to be happy, my answer would be easy...
Have dreams and live it...
Have goals and aim to achieve it...
That way you will live everyday life fulfilled and satisfied...

The goals or dreams can be as simple as wanting to buy yourself a good pair shoes even...
It doesn't need to be complicated dreams like wanting to be a billionaire or wanting to save the planet or so...



Focus on things that makes you happy, as different people has different priorities...
As for me, adventure and traveling makes me feel alive, so most of my goals are related to that...

Keep yourself a list of things you wanna do before you reach certain age and commit to it...
Like myself, part of my list will be:
- hugging an orang utan
- swimming with the dolphins
- conquer mount kinabalu
- explore the pyramids
- wrestle with a baby panda

It's fun trust me...

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.

Spend life wisely...

Lives, like money, are spent.
What are you buying with yours?
Ever thought of that?

I've been thinking about life and death lately.
It's true that I have been living for 25 years now, but during those period have I done anything that I can be proud of?
Nothing came to my mind.
Zero...

We never know how much time we have left to actually breathe and touch the people we love.
We don't even know what is going to happen to us in the next few hours also.

Just to mention about death, definitely it will terrify anyone.
I have learned not to fear death, as it is out of our control.
What I can do is try to live life as much as I want to.
Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

So I'm telling myself...
Take a break once in awhile...
Go travel to those places I wanted to....
Go and explore all the wonders of the world...
Go get myself wet, play and dance in the rain...
Reward and spoil myself with the things that I desire...
Spend and buy gifts to those that I love, make them smile...
Less time in front of computer, more time playing outdoors...
Treat everyone as if they're my brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers...
Run across a sea of fresh flowers and lay down at the middle of a jungle...

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play, and to look up at the stars.

We make a life by what we give

One of my sister's friend is very in need of a kidney transplant but no donor seems to come along to help her in these past 2 years...

I think I did offer her mine few months back but she refused since she said she doesn't wanna risk anyone who is close to her...

But right now, her wound for dialysis always becomes infected...
She has been into countless of operations to clean the wound up...
Imagine have to go through all of that since the age of 2, and she is only 18 now...

I wanted to give half of mine to her... I wished I could...
We shared the same blood group...
But I'm underweight...
And it is risky...

I had always wanted to do good deeds to people...
I believe that each people was born in a purpose to help others...
Giving money is easy, same goes of giving advice and wisdom...
But your own body part which also will affect your own life?
Not so many are very sincere of doing it...

Come to think of it, when I think twice, I do think I'm selfish...
I wanted to help her if I can, but I'm worried of what will happened to me...
I have to sacrifice my active life, I can't go do extreme sports that I love so much...
I can't eat all types of food like I used to...
I really have to take of my other kidney well since I only left with one should I agree to donate...
So there we see what kind of person I still am...

SELFISH

==========================



But she will always have my prayers though...
I am grateful to GOD for blessing me with a healthy and perfect body...
With this, I shall put them into good use, and never complain on how bad my own life is...

Happiness is not so much in having as sharing peeps.
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.